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评改范例

写作中心评改范例二

发布者:写作中心 [发表时间]:2019-05-22 [来源]: [浏览次数]:

Structurewriting is important (to myself)——writing is necessary (to myself)——practical value of writing (universal value)——3 tips to improve writing——hope to succeed in the end.

Suggestionsmore practical ones:

1、第三个tip,即never give up部分与前两个tip相比显得太宽泛,不能说是具体的措施;

2、一些错误的单词和语法问题;

3、个人感觉last but not least不适合用于引领最后一段的总结;

4、总体看来有头重脚轻之感,首段太长,尾端太短;

5、为使论述更紧密,可具体描述下doing journalswriting的帮助;

6、不那么重要的标点问题。

 

Advantages:

          1、能看到一些简练的语句和对名人名言的引用,从句也用的不错,语音表达流畅,句子之间、段落之间承接自然;

          2、论证合理,论述之间联系紧密;

3、中心明确,标题直指中心论点;

4、每段长度之中,且长短句结合得不错,可继续加强。众多的短语和各式各样的句子结构也给文章添了不少亮色。

 

My own thoughts

1、全篇围绕个人来写,这点在标题中就有体现。论述主要集中于为什么要writing,以及自己如何提高writing。全文以议论为主,记叙为辅。可以尝试一下其他的写作形式,如夹叙夹议或记叙为主,议论为辅。事实上我自身练习用英语写记叙文的次数并不多,但记叙文无疑要更贴近生活些;

2、以事起笔,以议论行文。从第二段到第三段是由特殊到普遍,从第三段到第四段则是由普遍归于特殊,事实上在第二段开头也有普遍充分,第三段中结尾也有特殊成分。这两段是借普遍来佐证特殊,所以说文章的中心还是围绕个人。这种引用论证,利用普遍论证特殊的方法很有效,增强了文章的可信度。同时也带动了文章议论的走向,引出下文;

3、有些地方给人以作者自言自语的感觉,既有自省又有倾诉的意味。虽然文章基本脉络是议论文,但实际上也有散文化的趋势。由此也可以略窥作者写作的风格和写作的环境;

4、与书本上的文章相较,我总觉得书本上的文字更为自然,不是刻意的去运用些什么,只是在某个地方该怎么表达就怎么表达。这不仅是积累的原因,也与英语在我们心中的位置有关。“文章本天成妙手偶得之”,我觉得这该是我们的目标。—(这段话中的观点也带了个人的主观倾向。未必客观)

 

附原文和文内批改:

Writing: The Skill I Must Master.

      In the past 17 years, I had done a lot of writing, both in English and Chinese .At first, I began learning Chinese writing. And as time went by , I could finish a normal article with about 800 words. However, it just was finished but not perfect. Then I had a new subject---English to learn. What's more, writing is very important in language learning. English is no exception. Now I'm in school, to get high scores, writing is of great concern in the exams. But when I get out from the school, writing is also significant.

     Bacon once said, Reading makes a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man. So, at every stage of the lifetime, writing is necessary. Through writing, I can find a place to preserve my thoughtsfeelings and even some experiences. At the same time, I can drain some troubles by writing my problems on a piece of paper, then throw the paper away as if I discard my bad time. One day, when I see what I have written, I may feel interesting. This is also a pleasure that writing can bring to me. In other words, my life may can not continue without the existence of writing in the future. Because it has been part of me.

 There are also lots of practical value that writing has. For example, if a man is very good at writing, he or she may be a writer. And then, the works can make a great profit. Though you may not have this talenthaving an extra skill can also help a man to have a better future. This is my reason to learn writing, too..

        Clear thinking becomes clear writing; one can not exist without the other. As a minded man, in my opinion, I also should have some thoughtful writing. Believe that writing can make my life more colorful. Then I will resist on writing and never give up. In short, writing is a skill that I and you must master.

   Having say lotsof advantages that writing has, thenwhat can I do to acquire this skill better? This is a big question. These days, I have learned many from a lot of books and some others’ experiences. Therefore, I conclude a fewmeasures that couldhelp me built theability of goodwriting.

         Firstly, keep doing journals.It is well known that you must write as much as you can if you would liketo get the skill. There is no need for me writing day and night, maybe just one passage one day.Gradually, I will be used to this thing. Though there are no man who should remind me to write, my hand willremember. Then with time going by, I would devote myself to this meaningful thing

          Secondly, do more reading. Having insisted on writing for a long time, it is true that Ifall in love with writing! However,there is a day aheadme that I have nothing to write. At this time, readingshould be attached great importance to. As the old saying goes, books are the source of humans’ inspiration. Sodo more reading and thenI may have someto mark. At the same time, there is a possibility that I may be more thoughtful. Therefore, it is not bad to have some reading .On the country, reading could giveme something that I do not haveformerly.

          Thirdly ,never give up. The process ofan ability’s formationis always difficult and boring. Facing such a big problem, perseverance is vital important. Always know whatI really want and then pursueit. Sometimes, I should also ignore someinterference factor decidedly, and only focus on mytarget. Perseverance prevails, which is my motto.

         Last but not least ,I am always on the rode. To make someappropriate change is of great importance. Hope I can succeed in the end.